Nintendo Wii is Doomed

Because of this woman.

This is Higashihara Aki. At first glance she seems like an innocent 27-year-old woman incapable of harming a fly. In Japan, she is a celebrity model, sports anchor, and actress that guest starred in Japanese dramas such as Attention Please.

Unfortunately, she is also known as the author of the Death Blog.

Despite all her supposed innocence, Mrs. Higashihara has been a harbinger of misfortune over the years to just about anything everything she focuses on. These include:

– Working as a campaign girl for Dreamcast. You all know what happened to that console.
– Mentioning a 200-year-old Ginko tree at the Tsuruoka Hachiman Shrine. 2 months later, this happens:

– She starts dating #1 ranked Judo star Kosei Inoue favored to win a gold at the 2004 Olympics. Then this happens:

– She announces she will marry Kosei Inoue at the Imperial Hotel in 2008. Then this happens:

A larger list translated by nejinoki, records the devastation:

Attends the Kano Cup Judo World Grand Prix for the first time in Jan 2005, where Inoue Kosei tears his left pectoral muscle.

Every horse she selects in horse races, even horses heavily favored to win, always lost. Her record stands at 38 consecutive losses. Many jockeys come forward and ask her to not select them as her favorite.

2007/5, The top three horse she selected as her favorite all breaks bones one after another.

2007/7/1, on a talk show, jockey Take Koushirou jokingly asks her to pick any horse but his, and she responds with a joke that she’ll write his name many many times in her notebook. 2007/9/9, Take falls off his horse with bruises all over, a broken rib and punctured left lung.

Jokingly mentions she’ll write the names of all horses in her notebook (by then dubbed the Death Note) except her favorite, named Vodka. That year, equine influenza spreads in the Japan Racing Association stables forcing races for that year to be canceled. Vodka develops an inflammation of the ankles and cannot race as well.

2007/9/23, selects the most favored horse as the one she will bet on in the Kobe Newspaper Cup (horse racing). The record of 100% of most-favored horses winning for the past 10 years is blown away as the horse finishes in 12th place.

2007/12/23, after only 3 months as a regular host on the horse racing program “Super Keiba”, the show is cancelled after a 20 year run.

Marries Inoue Kosei in 2008/1/15. 4/29, he loses out on the Judo championships and is not selected to represent Japan for the Summer Olympics.

Every contestant in the K-1 Kick boxing Grand Prix she has rooted for has been defeated.

2008/2/28, appeared in a promotional event for McDonald’s –> The brown worm-like parasite Anisakis,Terranova is found from Fillet-O-Fish patties the following day.

2008/3/7 Mentions the snack Umai-bo on her blog –> 6/27, an Umai-bo factory burns down.

She used to be a campaign girl for the money lending firm DIC –> 2008/8/8 DIC goes out of business.

2008/8 The Japanese judo team at the Summer Olympics suffer their worst year ever. Higashihara was in attendance.

2008/8/15 A rival of Inoue who prevented him from going to the Olympics and is hated by Higashihara wins the gold medal.

2008/6/15 Attends a promotional event for a brand of milk at Aqua City Odaiba –> 2008/8/18 A fire at Aqua City Odaiba.

2008/8/21 Higashihara returns to Japan –> The Japanese Women’s Softball team defeats the United States for their first gold medal.

2008/9 The making-of of a commercial for Myojo ramens starring Higashihara is opened to reporters. –> 9/10 Parasites are found from Myojo instant yakisobas. 10/24 Traces of insecticides are found from ramen manufactured in a particular factory.

Becomes a campaign girl for Asahi Beer –> Asahi Beer loses it’s lead in the beer market.

Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare –> The ministry is mired a series of scandals such as bureaucrats mentioning women as “baby-making machines” in discussing the declining birthrate, financial records of pensions are revealed to be a complete mess and some parts are irrecoverable.

Goes on vacation to South Korea –> The Korean Won plummets.

Sends a message of encouragement to fellow celebrity blogger Ogura Yuuko –> A fire erupts at one of the Yakiniku stores owned by Ogura.

Puts photos of a pizza she ate at the family restaurant chain Saizeriya on her blog –> A scandal where trace amounts of the poison melamin is found in Saizeriya pizzas occurs.

Writes comments of endorsement for a book. –> Publisher files for bankruptcy.

So what does this have to do with the Nintendo Wii? Well, this:

As of this post, Wii sales do appear to be declining. Fellow ‘Smashers, you know what this means.